Sunday, September 16, 2012

List: Five Reasons Why I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with Fall

1.  Love:  The fact that Girl 15 and Girl 13 are back in school, and I no longer have to worry about filling each of their days with back to back activities to keep them from hanging around the house all day and using every single one of the glasses, dishes, bowls, forks and spoons, so that when I finally come home from work, I don’t spend three hours cleaning up after them.  I also love the fact that they can’t call me 79 times a day asking me stupid shit like, “Do we have any brownie mix?” or, “Where are the Q-Tips?” 
Hate:  The fact that Girl, 15 and Girl, 13 are back in school, and now we all have to get back into the friggen routine!  Getting them off to school is easy enough…it’s when they come home that bites.  The first time I remind them to do their homework happens when I drop them off at home from school (using my lunch hour – why I’m a heffer, I have no idea).  Once I get home from work myself, I will repeat “Do your homework” approximately 382,641 times.  I’m pretty sure they are both telling me to fuck off in their heads each time I say it.  Then, at  about 9:45, one of them realizes she has a project due the next day requiring poster board, and I’m searching the aisles of 24 hour drugstores for the shit.  Poster Board should really have its own love/hate category for me.  One of these days I’ll get smart and stock up on it. 

2.  Love:  Fall clothes.  Cozy sweaters and boots.  

Hate:  The way I look in cozy sweaters and boots.  Seriously.

This is how I wish I looked.

This is what I see when I look in the mirror.  (From Google Images - this is not me)


Yeah.  So that sucks.  My family tells me that I’m not THAT heavy, but that’s what I see when I look in the mirror, so that’s what I’m going with. 

 3.  Love:  Watching the girls play hockey and soccer!  Girl, 15 plays on two hockey teams, and also plays soccer for her school.  Girl, 13 plays on one hockey team. 

Hate:  Hockey practice, soccer practice, weekday soccer games (because I miss most of them since I have to work)!  There isn’t enough time in a day to squeeze it all in.  There are days I wish I was June Fucking Cleaver, staying home all day vacuuming, preparing dinner, and waiting at the door in my dress and pearls to welcome my family home (notice that I didn’t even mention the “L” word).  I’m pretty sure June Cleaver would have a heart attack if she ever smelled either of my kids’ hockey bags. That shit is nasty. 

 4.  Love:  Are you ready for some Football?  Love, love, love, watching the Patriots.  Sundays are awesome – fire in the fireplace, chili in the crock pot, Pats on TV… nothing better!

Hate:  Watching football with Boy, 45.  He yells at the refs, yells at the coach, yells at the players, swears at everyone on T.V., and GOD FORBID you try to ask a question or have some sort of conversation during the game.  I’m not talking about a serious conversation here, just something as simple as “Anyone want more chili?” will put a look of extreme pain on Boy 45’s face, and he will usually respond with an asshole-ish comment like “Um….the game is on….”  Yeah.  So me and the girls usually end up watching the rest of the game in another room.  Another shitty part about watching football with Boy, 45, is the fact that our dog’s name is Brady (he came with the name – we didn’t choose it, for the record).  The quarterback for the Patriots is Tom Brady.  So every time Boy, 45 yells something along the lines of “WHAT THE FUCK, BRADY?” (which he does at least 20 times during the game) my poor dog gets up, runs into the kitchen and hides in his bed for a few minutes until he thinks it’s safe to go back in!  Even the dog hates watching football with Boy, 45!

5.  Love:  The weather.  Love the temperature, and the foliage, and even the smell of the air!  While it’s no secret that I absolutely LOVE the beach, I have to say that Fall is definitely my most favorite season. 
Hate:  The fact that Winter is fast approaching.  Snow.  Slush.  Sleet.  Freezing Rain.  Christmas Shopping. Winter fucking sucks.  I can’t really enjoy the things I love about Fall because I know that Winter is out there, lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce as soon as I start to really enjoy Fall.  Fuck you, Winter.  Fuck you.
What do you love/hate about Fall?