Monday, July 23, 2012

Random Crap That Bugs Me: Texting Etiquette

So many of my conversations happen via text message.  Girl, 15 and Girl, 12 rarely answer their phones if they are "voice" calls. Oddly enough, if I call them, they don't answer, but will usually respond with a text message pretty quickly.  The fact that they couldn't answer the phone but can send a text instead really bugs me. Here is a list of the 5 text message faux pas that bug the crap outta me:

1.  Run-on Text Messages!

These are texts that have NO punctuation.  Here's an example:

hi mom can i walk to the store cuz you were supposed to go out and get milk last night but you spent three hours neglecting us while you wrote your blog (2/2) and i really want cereal for breakfast but i cant without milk kae lmk

I get that it's difficult to find the apostrophe. Even I'm guilty of not using them when texting.  But a period, comma or question mark?  There's just no excuse.  Capitalization would also be nice - at least it would make it easier to tell where the new sentence starts!   Don't be a lazy bag of dicks - just use the damn punctuation!

2.  The Convo Killer!

This happens more often than I care to admit.  Girl, 15 is famous for this.  Here's how the Convo  Killer goes:

Me:  Hey, what are you doing?

Girl, 15:  Sleeping.  Why?

Me:  Just wondering...will you do a few loads of laundry for me?

Girl, 15:  Ugh.

And then the convo friggen ends.  Does "ugh" mean "Ugh...Yes..." or "Ugh...fuck off..."  Since we are talking about laundry here, I'm guessing it means eff off.  Another version of the Convo killer is the one word response!  This one really bugs the crap out of me:

Me:  Morning, honey.  What are you doing today?

Girl, 12:  idk

Me:  Are you hanging out at so and so's house today?

Girl, 12:  maybe

Me:  All right, well let me know what your plans are.

Girl, 12:  k

I could have gotten more information out of the roadkill in the middle of the street.  Sometimes having a conversation is like pulling teeth!  Not only did she kill the conversation, I have no idea how to plan my schedule around her schedule for the damn day.  GOD FORBID I ask for her plans the night before!!!

3. Alphabet Soup

I touched on this a little bit above.  This is either a one letter response or a complete message made up of a bunch of friggen letters.  It's hard to follow and you need a decoder ring to figure out what the message actually says!  

smh Idk wht 2 do tmrw 4 mi bday lol lmk if u hav n e plans hmu if u wnt 2 prty    kk ttyl grl tx

Are you shitting me?  It may have saved you time to write this little gem, but it's taking me an hour to decipher! Couldn't you have just sent me a telegram, or even used morse code?  And what's with the kk?  Isn't it just as easy to type ok? Why type k twice? Girl, 12 also uses "kae," which I can't understand, because it would be so much easier to just type the letter "k" instead of making up a word that doesn't exist, and adding two letters!  Here's a little list for you old folks who haven't been schooled  in the language of texting:

smh: shaking my head
idk:  I don't know
jw:   just wondering
lol:   laugh out loud
lmk: let me know
hmu: hit me up
kk:  ok
ttyl:  talk to you later
tx:  thanks

And by the way, don't use these when texting your kids.  It won't make you a "cool parent."  (Although I must admit that I do use lol...but if I'm thinking about it, I try to use haha - it's only one more letter, but if I'm feeling old, I go with it!)

4. Sleepers

Imagine you are having a text conversation.  You're going back and forth at a pretty good pace, rarely waiting more than a minute or two between sending and receiving.  Then, all of a sudden, the conversation ends! 

Me:  What are you doing tonight?

Friend:  Nothing much, you around?

Me:  Sure am...drinks?

Friend:  Indeed!

Me:  Place and time?


And there's nothing.  No response. A minute goes by, then two, then three.  Before you know it, an  hour has passed and you are in your pajamas with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, watching Steel Magnolias (my all time favorite chick flick).  Usually within the next few hours, Friend will answer with a "Sorry/had to help with homework/fell asleep/cleaned the bathroom, etc."  Admittedly, I have been both the sleeper and the one who is left hanging!

5.  Phonetically Speaking

Similar to alphabet soup, this is where the texter purposely spells words the way they sound, or in some cases, the texter can't spell for shit, so this is what you get:

Aye wut up wif yu?  Watchu doin 2nite?  Luk at my pics on FB, kae?  There are enuff of the boi u lyk to make u laff!

It is actually more difficult to spell things wrong than it is to spell them right! 

So, what texting faux pas bug you?


  1. This is so great. It could almost all pertain to Fakebook chat too. How about the person who initiates the conversation, has nothing to say and then leaves you hanging? Hate that. I have a friend who texts me and abbreviates so much that I never know what the hell she's talking about. Thanks for including the glossary. I was pretty clueless about many of them. And I'm wondering - why wouldn't ok just be ok instead of kk? Same amount of letters. lol

    1. EXACTLY! Oops...there's another one that bugs me - all caps! But I'm talking about the entire text message in caps. I will never understand the "kk" thing. Maybe they use it because it sounds cute? Who the hell knows!

  2. This supports my argument that the future of our country is doomed to fail. I think I did something like this in my blog....I forget lol.

    Kids are actually writing like that now, we're all fucked in a few years.

  3. Great posting and I hate texting and my kids would rather text than talk on the phone. :( I agree with Judge Judy- this age of texting is going to create a generation of ppl with some seriously messed up thumbs. :) Def enjoyed reading your post today!

  4. I love your blog!! You're hilarious! :)

    This entire post made me think of my teen sister lol

    --Alexis Marie

  5. This is a truly hilarious post as usual :D You really are one funny gal!

    I would like for you to have the Rockin' Blog award that I have waiting for you over on my awards page! I do hope you will accept :)