HEAT WAVE!

What I say: Thank God for Air Conditioning!

What I mean:



It was friggen HOT today.  It was so hot, a squirrel stole a bottle of ice water from my cooler to pour on his nuts!  Seriously - there was no way to stay cool.  It was 101 degrees (according to the car thermometer), for crying out loud! It was even too hot to be at the beach (but I somehow muddled through it).  In case you haven't heard, it's day two of a heat wave in New England, and quite honestly, I'm not sure how much more bitching about the heat I can take. It's on the news.  It's on the front page of every newspaper.  Turn on the radio and the DJ's are talking about it.  There is no escaping it.  What drives me especially crazy about the heat wave is the fact that I keep hearing the same shit over, and over, and over again, about how to "survive" a heat wave.  The news channels are interviewing emergency room doctors, they have vans at the beaches and are shooting on location to get people's reactions to the heat wave, and complete strangers (luckily, this time, not in the ladies' room), who feel the need to make small talk say stupid things like "...hot one, huh?"  To which I could only respond,"Gee...I hadn't noticed...."

Don't get me wrong, I know that heat is pretty serious shit.  According to the NOAA, heat is the number one weather related killer in the United States.  People die in heat waves.  I know that the elderly and pets are of particular concern, but is telling people to "drink plenty of water," and "be sure not to leave children or pets in the car," really necessary?  At what point does common sense kick in?  So you can't leave a kid in the car during a heat wave, but it's ok on a regular day?  Another one that cracked me up was the list of symptoms for heat exhaustion.  Sweating, weakness, clammy skin (which I believe is the same as sweating), nausea, possible vomiting, and cramps.  I actually wished this on Boy, 46 (a/k/a husband), just so that he would know what I feel like when it's That Time of the Month!

Here's a list of suggested ways to go about life during a heat wave (just in case you were unsure).

• Slow down. Avoid strenuous activity. If you must do strenuous activity, do it during the coolest part of the day, which is usually in the morning between 4 a.m. and 7 a.m.

          Yay! Permission to sit around and do nothing all day but eat bon-bons!  Note to Boy, 46 a/k/a husband:  Do not wake me up at 4 a.m.  I know how your mind works.

• Wear lightweight, light-colored clothing. Light colors will reflect away some of the sun's energy.

         Really?  But my scarf and gloves are so cute...and the scarf really hides Chin Two and Chin Three so nicely! 

• Drink plenty of water regularly and often. Your body needs water to keep cool.

         Duh.  Water on a hot day.  Hadn't heard that one before.  Thank GOD I found this!

• Eat small meals and eat more often. Avoid foods that are high in protein, which increase metabolic heat.

        Permission to eat ice cream, chocolate and potato chips all day?  Bring on the heat wave!!!

Just one more thing before I go check the battery supplies, candles and flashlights in case there is a power outage. I've heard many people use the word "humid" over the last few days.  Most of the time, they pronounce the "h," but sometimes they don't.  Instead of "humid" they pronounce it "yoo-mid."  It's kinda bugging me.  How do you say humid?  With the "h" or without?