1. The Indecisive Nail Biter. You know the type. He/She can't figure out what to order. The fact that the menu is the same as it has always been makes no difference. She (in my most recent experience, it was a she...sorry ladies) gets up to the counter and has no clue what she wants for breakfast. To stall, she orders her coffee first. In the three seconds she has bought herself, she still can't decide. There are 27 people in line behind me, and at this point, I'm wishing I went through the drive thru. Finally, she settles on a plain donut. A PLAIN EFFING DONUT. I'm late for work (again) and this bitch wasted three precious minutes of my life on a decision to get a plain donut? Live a little! Have a glazed! Have Two! Shove one in your pie hole, and one up your ass, and don't ever wind up in line in front of me again, you indecisive nail biting ass face!
2. The Purse Shuffler. This creature bellies up to the counter, rattles off the same order she gets every friggin day, and when the cashier says, "That will $4.39," she seems surprised that she is required to pay for her breakfast. She just waited in line for 12 minutes. However, she waits until the cashier rings her in to dig through her pocketbook to come up with enough money to feed her face. A random dollar bill in this pocket, 6 quarters in the change purse, another few dollars rolled up in a ball at the bottom of the bag. By the time she finds enough cash, the entire contents of her Wanna Be Birkin Bag are spilled out on the counter, and she uses this opportunity to organize her pocketbook!
3. The Drive-Thru Clown Car. This is a car pool consisting of at least 5 people. For the LOVE OF GOD...not ONE of you could get out of the fucking car and order INSIDE the restaurant? Instead, everyone needs a sandwich, no two coffees are alike, "Bill" doesn't want cheese on his sandwich, "Jane" wants egg whites, and "Brian" wants a separate bill. COMPLICATED ORDERS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED AT THE DRIVE THRU! Everyone should abide by the following drive-thru etiquette:
- No more than 2 people in a vehicle in the drive-thru.
- Have your money ready. They usually tell you how much it is BEFORE you get to the window!
- No more than 2 items per person (if you are playing along, this means a max of 4 items)
- If you are ordering more than 2 items for yourself, you could probably use some exercise, so get off your fat ass and WALK INSIDE to place your order!
- Once you get your bag and/or beverage, PULL THE FUCK OUT! Do not ask for ketchup. Do not ask for napkins. Do not do ANYTHING that will make me later for work than I already am. Once you have your items, it's MY TURN!
- Do not assume that you can keep my change. If I spent $3.57 and gave you 4 bucks, I DECIDE if I'm going to let you keep the .43 cents. I may even GIVE you a buck on top of that (If I'm not running late for work). If you keep my change, I'll ask for it back and give you the dog hair and lint sitting in the ashtray.
- Cut the shit with the high pressure sales. I do not want to try your new 800 calorie heart attack waiting to happen breakfast sandwich. If I wanted one, I would have ordered it. I know I look like I don't give a shit about what I scarf down for breakfast, but I'm late (again) and your little sales pitch just added 30 seconds onto my arrival time.