Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Random Crap that Bugs Me: Bumper Stickers

Bumper stickers (pronounced "Bumpah Stick-is" here in Boston), bug the ever loving crap outta me!  This is yet another trait I get from my Dad.  He hates bumper stickers and always has.  I remember going on vacation to New Hampshire, or Disney World and always wishing we could get a bumper sticker for the old 1972 Impala!
What I wouldn't give to have this beast now! 

Then, Dad brought home this little beauty.  A friggen Pacer! 

Ours was actually a forest green color.  Imagine going from the Boss Hog Impala to this friggen death trap?
                             
 I remember asking if we could put a bumper sticker on it (the fact that I knew he didn't allow them made us want one even more), but he wouldn't budge.   To placate us, he let us get one of those waving hands that attach to the car window with a suction cup.  Like these, only ours said "Hi!" 
My sister and I thought we were hot shits in the back of the Pacer with that tacky-ass waving hand though.  The only lucky one in the car was my little brother, who was probably still in a car seat.  The rest of us would be dead on impact in that friggen tuna can of a car.
  
So, back to bumpah stick-is.  There are several that bug me, but here are a few of my favorites:

Kiss Me, I'm Irish (or any other nationality)!  Do I look like I give a flying fuck?  Get the hell out of my way before I'm late for work....again!  By the way, if I did get a bumper sticker, I think it would say...."I'm Italian...Fuck Off!"

Political Bumper Stickers for elections that happened more than 2 months ago.   If your candidate won...good for you. You get a cookie. The election is over, and now your candidate is just another typical politician who I couldn't give a shit less about, especially while I'm driving behind you.  If your candidate lost, you should have scraped that shit off the morning after the election.  You're a loser just like he/she is!

Choose Life, Your Mother Did / Pro Choice! /Against Abortion?  Don't Have One!  I don't understand why people have to advertise where they stand on this issue ON THEIR FRIGGEN CAR!  I am a complete stranger driving behind you.  Announcing your opinion to the world only makes me want to speed up and ram the front end of my car into your ugly bumper stickered ass (regardless of what your opinion is). 

These are the three that bug me the most.  The only thing that bugs me more than bumpah stick-iz these days is the obnoxious testicles guys hang from trailer hitches on their trucks. Truck Nuts are fucking stupid.  If you have them, my only thought is that you are overcompensating for something you lack in real life.  I don't want to see a set of nasty balls hanging from the back of your truck.  Perhaps women with small boobs should turn their headlights into tits.  At least it would be an affordable boob job! 

I'm rambling...so...are there any bumpah stick-is that bug the crap out of you?  Comment to let me know! 



17 comments:

  1. I did have to laugh- a little- mainly because not too long ago we saw a wrecked and obvious totaled car with a bumper sticker that read Jesus Saves, the guy driving was dwi. But OMgosh on the Pacer. my parents had one and it was the vehicle I learned to drive in, deja vu moment. :)

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    1. Just looking for a photo of a Pacer made me pee a little, I was laughing so hard! Good times!

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  2. I can't stand the political bumper stickers for candidates that an a year (or more) ago. What bugs me even more are the "Baby On Board" placards and of course......

    THOSE FUCKING STICK FIGURE FAMILIES!!!!

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    1. I had a feeling you might go there, Kevin! I do not have any anorexic family members on the back of my car!

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  3. My kid was student of the month at xxxx.

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    1. Yup. They bug me too. So stupid. And the bumper sticker stays there for 5 years. Why not give the parent a button to wear? Then they CHOOSE where and when to advertise, and when the month is over, they give the button back, or tuck it in a drawer somewhere!

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  4. Nothing repulses me more than those TruckNuts -- disgusting, and only reminds me of roaming dogs looking to hump something. Oh, and those little boys peeing on stuff with the devilish look in their eye. Grow up!

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  5. very funny - recycling bumper stickers scare me

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    1. Agreed. Throw one on your trash barrel so people see it when they drive by. I'm not thinking about trash day when I'm driving!

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  6. Too funny! I hate TruckNuts too. There is a car in my area I see all the time. The Douche driving it thinks he's awesome apparently. It's a lowered car with TruckNuts and he plays the really loud thumpy sh*t. LMFAO

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    1. I bet he has a microscopic Dick!

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  7. Pacer push!! lol remember that? I hate the family bumper stickers...includung all the pets....or maybe I'm just jealous because I can't fit all the stickers for my family and pets on the back of my car, lol. I also hate the baby on board stickers. Like I'm gonna drive differently because there is a baby in your car.

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  8. I'll pretend to be anonymous here but in reference to "Political Bumper Stickers for elections that happened more than 2 months ago," can you PLEASE tell my dad to let us take the giant green stickers off of our cars? LOL

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    1. Sorry "Anonymous," but the green gave it away! LOL!

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  9. LOL!! My husband and I want to smash in all the windows of cars with the "This car climbed Mt. Washington" bumper sticker. I think they are absolutely ridiculous!

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    1. Agreed! Like a give a flying shit that your CAR climed Mt. Washington! Do something really worth bragging about and climb that bitch yourself. You know, with rope and a helmet and shit. Then slap a "I climbed Mt. Washington" sticker across your ass. Then, and only then, will I give a rat's ass!

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